Trying My Patience

No brainer quotes stating the obvious - you are trying my patience.

I just walked by a clothing store that marketed their products with an alleged Johnny Cash quote saying “Life is tough so you gotta be rough“.

Whaddya mean “Life is tough so you gotta be rough”? Of course!

Is it just me or is that a little too obvious, no brainer and self-explanatory to pass for wisdom?

If not, I have a few more good ones at the same level:

“It’s cold out there, so you better put warm clothes on”

“When approaching a lion, don’t rub yourself in meat and crawl on all fours making wildebeast sounds.”

“It’s a tall building, so you shouldn’t be jumping off it.”

Men’s Health - fitness issue - you are trying my patience.

The latest Men’s Health is apparently a fitness issue. Yes we get it, you’re about keeping the man fit. Is that your journalistic angle, stating the obvious?

I mean it’s like:
Financial Times - Money special
Playboy - Chick issue
Scientific American - Knowledge special

Veggies that accuse me of eating “dead animals” - you are trying my patience.

I totally get that veggies think I’m doing a bad thing when I eat animals, and from many rational viewpoints they’re right. What drives me nuts though is when they add the word “dead“, just to further make me out to be a bad person.

Well, of course it’s dead! I’m not gonna eat the poor writhing, screaming creature alive!

You might as well accuse me of eating dead, depressed, disgruntled, politically marginalized, socially repressed, financially disadvantaged…dead animals.

This holiday season I’m gonna get a live Christmas turkey, nail it to the cutting board and start carving it up while it in vain gobbles for it’s life. And then I’m gonna grab the nearest veggie and with a compassionate smile calmly say “We’ll at least I’m not eating a dead turkey…“

iPhone shortage - that is trying my patience

When they finally release the iPhone where I live, it’s out of stock within a few days, and just being gone over the weekend made me miss the whole thing.

And why do loyal Apple customers such as myself get lumped in every Tom, Dick and Harry, that have never bought an Apple product in their life and suddenly want the iPhone with the big touch screen?

There should be a loyal customer program from Apple and any subsidiary selling their products, giving people like me the red carpet treatment, and first dibs on the iPhone!

Or…the store clerk simply asks a question about Apple to all iPhone customers. If they get it right, they get their iPhone.
If they mess up, they get slapped and have to go to the back of the line.

- Who’s greater, God or Steve Jobs?
- Err…Steve Jobs?
- Trick question - Steve Jobs IS God! *slap* Back of the line!

Please don’t print this e-mail unless you really need to! - You are trying my patience.

The statement at the end of e-mails Consider the environment before printing this e-mail has is now being rephrased as Please don’t print this e-mail unless you really need to! (Like I need another exclamation mark in my life…)

Well, exactly how do you define really need to?

If I don’t really need it, I won’t really print it.

One thing I will not do is engage in the internal debate of my personal and professional short and long-term needs of printing this e-mail versus any and all real  and potential negative consequences of doing so.

And if I really really need it? Rest assured, I will really really print it!

And one more thing: This ridiculous message is not in text but as an attached image! I would simply say: Don’t clutter my inbox with attached images unless you really need to!!!