Trying My Patience

Sony - you are trying my patience.

Sony announced a while ago that they weren’t going to allow pornography to be distributed on blueray.
What’s up with that? Is it the position they’ve taken to defend the last moral highground? No porn i hi-res?

OK, you can watch the blind donkey molest the paraplegic nun, but you CANNOT watch in i hi-res! Unlike you, the good people at Sony have morals.

Easy Iron shirts, and the clerks in the store that you retail - you are trying my patience.

I’m out shopping and I see this white shirt with an Easy Iron sticker on it.

I’m curious as to if this means that the shirt is easy to iron or that it needs no ironing.

I’m sincerely hoping that it, like many shirts I own, is a case of non-iron. Otherwise there’s not much point is there?

I mean a non-iron shirt you just wash, shake and hang to dry on a hanger. Very practical. A lovable garment.

An easy-iron shirt? Well I still need to bring out and unfold my damn ironing board, refill the friggin iron, plug it in and wait for it to heat up. Who the hell gives a damn if it’s easy to iron or not? By the time I’m ready to iron I’m already frustrated!

There is iron and non-iron. Anything in between is completely pointless!

So I kindly ask the store clerk if this Easy Iron sticker means non-iron or just easy-iron? The poor thing doesn’t know, so she has to ask the store manager. So she asks him:

-The Easy Iron shirt. Is it easy to iron or doesn’t it need ironing?

He replies:

-The Easy Iron shirts are easy to iron.

That is the exact moment I realize that any further reasoning is futile. The combined intellect of these two people cannot outdo on the infinite wisdom of a two-word sticker.

I politely hang the shirt back where I found it. And then… iron right out the door…

News headlines that aren’t news - you are trying my patience

From today’s paper’s front page: “7-year-old run over by schoolbus - died“.

How is that news? How?

“7-year-old run over by schoolbus - lived“. That would have been news!

And immediately following the headline there’s a highlighted quote from a representative from the bus company saying “It’s always a tragedy when these things happen“.

Well, of course it’s a tragedy when innocent children are killed, but your comment is still not newsworthy.

Maybe if she would have said “He had it coming that little prick, hes got no business straying off the sidewalk.”Now, THAT would have been news!

E-mail senders enclosing the phrase Consider the environment before printing this e-mail at the end - you are trying my patience.

OK, you sent me an e-mail. OK, I’m considering the environment. Now what?

Maybe if you sent me shorter e-mails without unnecessary additions to your already abundant signature, it wouldn’t take so many sheets to print your damn e-mail in the first place.

Dark chocolate - you are trying my patience.

Yes! You! Dark chocolate! I hate you!

Dark chocolate is not real chocolate!

Oh, I know, the chocolate aficionados are saying the opposite. That dark chocolate is the only true chocolate. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

I’ll tell you what real chocolate is about. Real chocolate is sweet and creamy. It caresses my whole mouth. It makes me close my eyes and think of paradise. It gives me a sugar high. It gives me a calorie bonanza of strength. It makes my coffee taste better.
Give a child chocolate, and it’s innocent unadultered taste buds will welcome it as food for the Gods.
That is chocolate. Light brown or even white chocolate.

Dark chocolate on the other hand? It’s bitter. It has no sweetness. No richness. No harmony. It “takes some getting used to”. And it’s never plentiful, because it’s friggin’ expensive!
Give a child dark chocolate and the child will spit it out and never accept food from you again.